I'm just going to go ahead and throw this out there and say, ministry is hard. Not just like a little bit hard but like really really hard. It's hard emotionally, its hard spiritually, its hard on marriages, its hard on kids, its hard on friendships, its just plain hard.
I have really been struggling with this lately because of the place we find ourselves in at this point in time. I often find myself wondering if others in ministry positions feel the same way or if it is just us? Are we the only ones who feel like we are drowning in complaints at times? Are we the only ones who have asked ourselves why are we doing this? What's the point? Are the tears and pain really worth it? I don't know maybe we are alone in these feelings. Its hard to know because we too often put on our happy faces and fail to share what is going on in our lives. Slowly as time goes on though, my mask is starting to come off. I just don't have the strength to hold it up much longer.
There are days when I feel like I just don't want to do it anymore. Its so hard when you feel like you are trying to live out a calling from God and all you get in return is criticism. Its so hard, as a wife, to hear people speak negatively about your husband when you know he pours his whole heart into what he does. I think sometimes people forget that the ministers are people too. They have feelings and what they do isn't just a paycheck. Its their passion, their calling, their life. When someone criticizes a sermon or a service its like telling them their kid is ugly. Its personal, it cuts to the core.
The church is a strange place to me. It is supposed to be made up of God's people and yet the way we often act is not the way of God. We so often fail to show love and grace because we get so caught up in our own needs and wants. We all want a say in how things operate and tend to get upset when things don't go our way. It's like in sports, everyone thinks they can coach the team better than the coach. We would never complain at our jobs or argue to our boss like we do at church. It's just strange to me.
I have to constantly remind myself that the church is made up of imperfect humans and that is going to lead to disappointments and hurts. The only one who will never let us down is the Father!! But that doesn't make it any less hard when it happens.
Of course it isn't always bad being in ministry. I have just found myself in a very discouraging place at this time. I'm certain Satan know exactly what to do to get us down and boy has he been sticking it to me lately. I just want to find a way to not be frustrated and hopeless about all that is going on around me. I need the Lord to fill my heart with joy in the midst of the craziness of being a family in ministry. I hope and pray that he will bring us out of this turmoil on the other side with a renewed trust in His church and His people. I pray that regardless of how we are treated we will show love to everyone. I pray that he will give us strength to persevere and overcome the attacks of the Deceiver. I pray that he will bring wisdom in the midst of decision that need to be made. I pray that he will prevent our children from being scarred by the thing that come with being preacher's kids. I pray that in all these things His will be done.
